5 Terrible Songs By Iconic Bands
I don’t care how awesome your favorite band is, they all have at least ONE terrible song, and here’s proof. To be fair, this list doesn’t include rarities, or live albums. I even left off solo material. So, John Fogerty, Dennis DeYoung, and Paul McCartney are all spared. For the list to be legit, a band have had to recorded it, not thrown it on the cutting room floor, and actually released it on a proper album.
Led Zeppelin – Hot Dog
Hot Dog is the major inspiration for this list. I understand that after everything Zeppelin endured the previous few years, the idea tank was a little empty. But man, I didn’t expect the soundtrack to a saloon scene from a Loony Tunes cartoon. Put it this way; “Hot Dog” made the cut, but “Wearing and Tearing” didn’t. They meant to do this!
Van Halen – Poundcake
First off, a rock song is not supposed to sound like a NASCAR pit stop. Van Halen actually LAUNCHED the album with this, in favor of stronger material such as “Runaround,” “Judgement Day,” and “Right Now.” (although you never launch an album with the ballad) This was Van Hagar on empty. The album took a year to make, and the best title they could come up with was F.U.C.K. I think we now know why.
Beach Boys – Kokomo
The music equivalent of Bernie Lomax being dragged around the beach. How can any band with the discography of the Beach Boys sign off on such a pandering cash grab of….wait. Okay, there it is. “cash grab.” Many (non John Stamos related) things bug me about Kokomo. 1. It was nominated for a Grammy. “Sloop John B” wasn’t. “Heroes And Villains” anyone? Not even considered. 2. When searching Beach Boys on Napster, it’s still their most played song. Get it together, streamers.
Cheap Trick – I Want You To Want Me – (studio version)
“Wait, he’s going to attack this?” Yes I am. Full disclosure; Cheap Trick are one of my favorite bands. Plus, I always considered IWYTWM as the price of doing business. The live version is a signature song, and actually possesses zip. Ever listen to the studio version? No? Well, give it a click. I’d rather be trapped on a ride at Disney World where they can’t turn off “It’s a Small World After All” for 45 minutes. Trust me, I can speak from experience on both.
Def Leppard – Let’s Get Rocked
Double whammy. 1. The creepiest intro: “do ya wanna get rocked?” (which out-weird’s the laugh at the end of “Animal”) 2. The most disingenuous opening line: “I’m you’re ordinary average everyday kid.” No, Joe Elliot. You were a 30th something millionaire touring the world while driving your daily choice of Rolls Royces at the time. In reality, “Let’s Get Rocked” was inspired by Bart Simpson, a new sensation at the time. Listen, if you’re one of the world’s most successful bands, with a solid discography, and you’re next move is following up a 15 million seller with a song based on a fictional 8 year old, you’re eventually going to be #1 on a list like this one.